Definition

Friday night was a good night. Usually a Friday night would find our family camped out in front of the TV with either a movie or some family program entertaining us. This Friday night was different. The kids were all occupied doing their own thing. The two smaller ones were playing with the kitty and the big girl had joined friends for a movie night out. Hunk and I were snuggled on the sofa in the living room where it was cool  and quiet. Not long after a conversation ensued regarding...grief. Now I say "..." because we almost never discuss grief, but Friday night was different. Good Different.

I think I opened the conversation by asking what Hunk thought of my blog entry for Friday. I asked him if what I had written about him was offensive to him in any way. He said "no". He went on then to continue the conversation which is so unusual.

He said, "I'm not sure why you believe that I am a private person on the grief issue."

 "Well, hmmmm, because it has NEVER been an issue for you in my presence so I just thought it must be something you do privately", I replied.

"Well let's talk about grief then. What is grief?" Hunk questioned.

I thought for a few minutes and really tried to conjure up in my mind what grief was/is to me. I pictured a elderly woman dressed in black and veiled wailing at the tombside of her beloved. That wasn't what I was for sure. I pictured a man beside his beloved's hospital bed with a heavy heart and tear filled eyes. I pictured Hunk's sister wailing at her father's graveside and trying to literally jump in the grave. But I could not come up with words to describe grief. So I threw it back to him.

"I don't know Honey, what is it to YOU?" I thought I could put the proverbial "monkey on his back". He had an answer right away.

"Grief to me is the lack of complete-ness, of closure, when someone you love and care about dies." He said looking directly into my eyes.

What a GENIUS answer. I stared back at him and simply said "Oh my goodness, THAT is EXACTLY what it is. EXACTLY."

Now I know why neither of us has grieved our late spouses death and I know why we will never grieve their death. We had that closure. We had that complete-ness. When they both left this world and went to the next, we had said and done ALL of the things that needed to be said and done. We both had made plans with our partners. We had kissed them softly goodbye and we were both ready to carry on with our children and our future. For us, it wasn't a sudden goodbye. It was a process and through that process we grieved, so that when the end came we were able to carry on.

This is why for most of our kids, it has been much easier to move forward. We both made sure that each child was given the opportunity to have time with their mommy or daddy to say all the things that needed to be said and hear with their ears that they are loved and will be okay. And because of that we have been able to blend, bond, and blossom.

Have a Marvelous Monday Everyone!