LOST

                                                          

SPRING. Yep, we lost her. I thought she was here. The calendar said she arrived on March 21, but we haven't seen her around in weeks and frankly, I miss her. I miss her warm sun and gentle breezes. I miss her array of color and her sweet aroma. Seems she's left behind the grey ugliness that winter brings and the cold temps as well. I said goodbye to Old Man Winter long ago, but he just won't leave. Do me a favor. If you happen to run into Spring will you tell her she has a very important appointment in Oshawa Ontario and we are counting on her to show up? The sooner the better. Thanks.

                                                     

And speaking of loss and since this IS a blog about blending families, especially after loss, I think I shall address loss and how we deal with the ebbs and flows of grief here in this blended family. It's not all bad!

So tomorrow marks the 5 year mark of Bob's death. Now that potentially means 4/7 of our family could be impacted tomorrow. I always set myself up as the mother and, really, the chief emotion detector and prepare for the worst case scenario, but I have been very fortunate that thus far it hasn't been too bad. I guess the worst year was obviously the first year, and at that point we weren't a blended family yet so not as many were affected by the thrashing grief. We celebrated that year with a trip to the cemetery and we laid a wreath as well as a balloon release to heaven. It was bittersweet, but truly more sweet than bitter.  In subsequent years we have really not "celebrated" at all. We remember and pray but that's about the extent of the celebration. (Should one celebrate a death? I'm not too sure about that idea. At least for our family) I think the kids all really pick up on my vibe and I decided with my late husband (LH) that we would never intentionally make it a sad event. His death was inevitable, we had to deal with it, we couldn't dodge it and to make it an eternal sad event would just prolong the healing process. So, we didn't. That's all...we.did.not. And I believe we have ALL done a remarkable job of healing at the 5 year mark.

I have to say too, that it could be that because we are not close enough to visit the cemetery often, it might be better. We do live close to Hunk's late wife's (LW) burial place and we do visit a few times a year, but LG and B3 are young enough and BUSY enough that terrible grief just doesn't happen. We go, we pray, we change the flowers, and we leave...usually happy. Like LH, Hunk's LW's death was inevitable, had to be dealt with and could not be dodged. And, like LH and I, Hunk and LW decided that it would not be an eternal terrible event. We marked LW's first year with the traditional Filipino Anniversary dinner for the extended family. BG and I did not attend. We also had a balloon release and visited the cemetery. It was a day that was more happy than sad for all of us. We remember and we pray, that's all that's required.

Once I came into Hunk, B3 and LG's life, grief hasn't been a cause for sadness. You see, we bonded. I mean we all became one family and as is true always, "the speed of the leader is the speed of the pack."  I am generally not a sad person.  My glass is almost always 1/2 FULL. Now that's not so say that I am not human and don't have bad/down days. Just ask Hunk, he'll tell you! He can detect my mood faster than anyone ever has. Over these almost 4 years he has learned to leave me be on those days and just let me muddle through. They don't happen often anymore, but once or twice a year, I do "fall down." LG so eloquently told me sometime ago, "There is no reason to be sad that someone you love has gone to live with God." Children are so precious in that they see things so clearly and simply. But you know what? SHE IS RIGHT! EXACTLY.RIGHT!


So...once again I am preparing for the storm tomorrow, but I can almost bet that it will be a sun shower. And maybe Spring will come back and join us for it and then decide to stay awhile. That sure would be nice!

                                                                    

On another note...Canada held Federal elections yesterday, I am happy to report that our candidate is not LOST. In fact, he'll be in office again with a Majority government. Yay!