ON LIVING IN A HOUSE WITH "JESUS"

I often wonder what it must have been like to live with Jesus. I mean to really LIVE with Jesus. Now I have a glimpse of that life although 21st century style!


Some months back, Boy 3 was asked to audition for the part of Jesus in his school's Passion Play. He came home that afternoon equipped with the script and began furiously studying and memorizing the lines. Within two days his lines were committed to memory and he was beginning to add the gestures to the script. After weeks of anticipation audition day arrived. Boy 3 attended the audition and blew the play director out of the water! He was precise, loud, reverent and just the kid for the job. The part was his!   

                             B3 21st Century Style



As we sat for dinner that night I looked at my young son and thought to myself "I am eating dinner with Jesus." Kind of a daunting feeling. Now I knew that B3 was not really Jesus, but I knew that he had really begun to embody living as Jesus would have lived. He was practicing humility, compassion, love, and respect. He was in the early stages of  really living the part that he would play.

Fast forward a week or so.

After being reminded to take care of his daily/weekly chores and him not getting up quite as fast as I thought he should, I walked over to the TV where the PS3 was blaring and said in a rather stern loud tone of voice "Get up NOW and get your chores done. NOW not later. NOW." In a snap B3 looked and me ans said "Mom, you just yelled at Jesus!"  He didn't even skip a beat. I wonder if he had rehearsed that in his mind or if he had some Divine intervention. It didn't matter, it floored me. I mean how do you respond?
I think my response went something like "Yea, well I don't think Jesus would have made Mary ask him twice do you?"

In the weeks since we have had a few more of those Jesus moments. Some of them, I have to admit, B3 has used to his benefit! Like the day I said "today is the day to clean bathrooms" and B3 said "Jesus didn't clean bathrooms!" Oh.My. Or the day I told him if he ever tried drugs I'd beat him within an inch of his life and he said "you'd be hitting Jesus" Then there was the time he was plainly in his annoying little/big brother mode and I began parenting rather loudly in the car....you know what the next thing out of his mouth was....no need to explain!


This is how he will look on Holy Thursday.

                                                   

So as we close in on the week before the Passion Play, I reminded by "Jesus" this morning that I have a costume to make. Now this rose to some really lovely early morning dialogue. A ranting on just what did Jesus wear on the way to His crucifixion. I did a little research Googling and found that he had on a loin cloth. So I summonsed my thirteen year old Jesus and asked him if THIS was what he had in mind. I just wish you could have seen the look on his face! That chiseled jaw dropped and those brows rose and he said two things: "Mom,I'm a kid" and "Mom, I go to Catholic school." As I tried to persuade him that if he wanted to look like Jesus as well as act like Him, he would have to be willing to wear a beard, a crown of thorns and some sandals and a loin cloth. NO DICE! He was having no part of the loin cloth. So we settled on a white loosely made robe tied with rope and then he was willing to wear the various other accouterments to accessorize. We have success!

So today I am still pondering exactly what it must have been like to live with Jesus as a 13 year old boy. Was He always reverent to his parents? Did He ever have those annoying outbursts? Was He ever "slack jawed" and rammy?  He was human, yet divine and holy. As B3 continues his practice in order to play the role of our Lord, I continue to pray that he is truly filled with God's grace and that when Holy Thursday comes and he is in the limelight, B3 will shine with holiness and make the Passion Play come to life for all those who attend.

Right now, I am off to the fabric store and craft store to begin the making of my 13 year old Jesus' garments. All in the life of a busy mom in a busy blended family.

Have a Terrific Tuesday!

FOOD- GLORIOUS FOOD

Good Monday Morning! Friday was one of those much needed "US days." The kids and I went into the "city" (aka Toronto) and enjoyed a day of real live "GLEE" with the first ever Canadian Show Choir Championship. We had a blast and the choirs were ahhhhhmaaaaazing! Our personal favorite was Wexford Glee. In fact, they must have been REALLY good because on Saturday they were crowned Champions! Hunk met us picked us up for lunch and we enjoyed a lovely lunch at a Japanese restaurant in town. YUMMY.

Speaking of food.... this was another big thing that we learned to blend in our first few weeks as a family. Anyone who knows our family KNOWS that we love to eat and having a multicultural family means eating lots of different types of food! Who can pass that down?

Southern comfort food!

                                                   
I was raised in the South on good ol' southern foods like grits and collard greens and rutabagas. My family also has a strong Lebanese background so I learned to make kibbe, grape leaves and baklava from one of the best cooks around, my mom. Having married into a wonderful Italian-Polish family the first time, Mom (Theresa) coached me in things like Spaghetti with Clams , Brachiole, and Italian wedding cookies as well as pork and sauerkraut. I love to eat AND I love to cook. My culinary resume is quite extensive, however the one genre that I have always had difficulty in mastering has been Asian. My family always loved my stir-fry although I would describe it as a soggy mix of veggies and protein over sticky rice! NOT at all what you get a your neighborhood Chinese food take out joint!

I am still amazed at God's humor in matching Hunk and I up in the culinary realm of our life. I mean if ever I were kitchen challenged, Asian would be it!  So the first week we were all under one roof I made seven days of "American (Canadian) fare." I think our menu was something like: fried chicken, meat loaf, pork chops, spaghetti, beef stew, hot dogs...you get the picture! By week two I could see in my new family's eyes a longing for their accustomed Asian cuisine. My hands began to sweat as I thought of the prospect of cooking in a wok. In fact I didn't own a pan larger than my frying pan! How on earth was I going to make Pancit, or Adobo in a frying pan?

Filipino breakfast

                                                      
Saturday morning rolled around and Hunk and I went down stairs before the kids woke up. He opened the freezer, took out 2 packages of pink sausages in a cryo wrap and some frozen dried sticks of meat. Then he got out the rice cooker and began to prepare rice. What? Rice for breakfast or had we slept through breakfast? In my mind rice was for dinner. I had never even contemplated rice for breakfast! But I decided to wait for this breakfast masterpiece, as Hunk called it, before I passed judgement. Next he put the sausages in a frying pan with water and began to boil them and then eventually fry them until they were a glazed perfection. Once the sausages were cooked, my Hunk made some fried eggs (I DO NOT eat fried eggs!)  and put the delicious smelling food on our kitchen table. Now here comes the real clincher....in a separate bowl he poured a generous amount of vinegar and then set the ketchup beside it on the table with the food. Okay my friends...vinegar and ketchup for breakfast? I was skeptical, very, very skeptical.

I made our two cups of tea, green for hunk and "regular" for me and sat down to my first ever Filipino breakfast. Not knowing what to do with all the food I watched Hunk for a brief minute before I dove in. He took the longanisa (pink sausages) and dipped drenched it in vinegar. Then he mated it with a fork full of rice and down the hatch it all went! He did it once, twice, a hundred times and I finally decided to try it. I have one word....GLORIOUS! That first bite was a magical blending of sweet and sour and the rice added the right amount of  "bulk." It was divine. I was in love (with Hunk and the food!)

Chicken Adobo aka: Adobo Manuk

                                         
That next week I decided to try and surprise my Prince with Chicken Adobo. I had heard Nanay (his mother) talk about Adobo and how it was an easy dish to make. hunk went to work that morning not knowing what awaited him that night! I heard the squeal at the door before it even opened. His nose gave the surprise away! I had never tasted adobo before so I had no benchmark, but Hunk said it was awesomely good. There were no leftovers!


Kare Kare



Filipino Corned Beef

                 


I have become brave over the years and have mastered a few other dishes. Things like Kare Kare and Filipino Corned Beef  hash and most recently Ginger Garlic Oysters and Coconut Curry Shrimp are frequently on our table.
                                                 


Customs, food, parenting techniques, it's all a part of putting it all together. We've done well and that wok I spoke of has become a well loved addition to my kitchen. The ingredients that get tossed in that huge pan are a lot like the lives in our family....all different and distinct but the end product is always beautiful and delicious!

                                                          

FINDING YOUR HAPPY PLACE

Okay Dear Friends, let me tell you where my happy place is NOT- It is NOT in the laundry room and it is NOT in front of an ironing board (though it should be since I have a pile to be ironed a mile high!) My happy place is NOT at a doctor's or dentist's office no matter the reason or the person concerned. My happy place is NOT in a crowded shopping area either. I just get sweaty palms and itchy feet when I have to be in a large crowd. I am a self proclaimed germaphobe so that just adds insult to injury.

I found that when we all moved in together way back in 2007, it was imperative that I find MY happy place and get to know it on a very real and personal level. I searched my heart and soul. I visited every room of my house townhouse (our home wasn't finished yet), I drove around town and I searched. Boy.Did.I.Search. I just couldn't find that place that gave me the peace and solace I needed when I became high strung or needed a time out. (YES, I NEED time out too!)

I didn't become complacent though, I continued to search and I found it! Not in a building. Not in my body. Not in my car. I found it right outside in my yard. I guess I take after my grandmother and mother in that regard. I often wondered growing up, why my mother was outside in our garden when our house was in deep emotional turmoil. I would see my grandmother puttering around outside when I was a child and wonder how she could still be out there when dinner needed to be cooked.  Now I know.



Color...beautiful color

 It took growing up and having children of my own and a hectic life to understand how playing in dirt and communing with bugs, worms, small animals and birds could be so relaxing. There is just a closeness to nature and God that you feel. All the inside drama and worries vanish when I step outside and take a deep breath. And here folks, is the best part...THEY LEAVE YOU ALONE! Not a soul bothers me when I am "working" in the yard. Unless I summons help, I don't hear a peep from the peanut gallery. It's the best part of my timeouts. It's total me time and I have come to crave it and need it, especially as Spring shows her beautiful face here in southern Ontario.

My Happy Place is a place reserved for me by me. I can right my heart, let go of troubles, reminisce of times gone by, dream of times to come,  remember people in my life who are now in Heaven, calm down and simply be free. And it feels good. SO GOOD. Now please don't get me wrong. Because my garden beckons me often doesn't mean that I have an award winning yard. And it also doesn't mean that every time I'm outside I am in my "happy place." I am a mom you know!

So when it's -25 degrees celsius and there are feet of snow on the ground and I can't find a blade of grass for miles and miles what do I do? Now don't laugh okay? I bet many of you have been in just the same place for just the same reason! I go to the shower. That's right the good ol' shower. That, my friends, is the only other place I can retreat to where I am guaranteed no one will bother me. And I stay there until the water runs cold and I am forced out! What a lovely place of calm and solitude. It's just plain cleansing!

Now, I don't know if you have a place that makes you happy. But a Happy Place is better and cheaper than therapy and if you truly allow yourself to feel the calm and embrace the solitude, your Happy Place can be the very place to let go and relax. Try it!

So this morning I am off to my steamy Happy Place and then to my "retail" Happy Place of late...the garden center!

Blending and Laundry

I've been looking for inspiration to write this morning and I was just about to walk away from the computer it hit me....blending families and laundry. Now I'm sure you are thinking "what on earth do those two have in common?"

So I have been doing laundry for what seems like my entire life. I think my mother had me sorting clothes as soon as I knew my colors! Funny how she taught me....I remember being somewhere around 7 years old and she said to me "Whites in one pile and colors in another." Then she broke down further into sheets in another pile and towels in yet another. She never said "small items here, mediums ones here and large ones here." She also never said " his clothes here and her clothes there." It was all jumbled together into four distinct piles and all washed and dried together. I was thinking about that this morning and how blending families is just like that.

In our blended family, we have never said "his" or "hers."  From day one it has been "ours."  We haven't segregated the kids into girls and boys, they have been kids. We have all been jumbled up together and washed and dried TOGETHER. When it comes to chores, we ALL have them. When it comes to gadgets and goodies, we ALL have them. Of course we have to use our parental judgement on the age appropriateness of these items. For instance, Little Girl does not have a iTouch at 8 years old and Young Boy did not have a cell phone at 12. Big Girl is 18 and still does not have a car and that is fine for us and for her. Like her, myself and her dad drove the family vehicle until we could afford gas and insurance. We do not play favorites-we are a family.

I got up this morning and as I walked by my laundry room I noticed clothes overflowing the basket and thought, "wow, no matter how often I wash, dry and fold clothes they are right back in that hamper in no time. Now I am thinking " Gosh, no matter how lonely I felt nearly five years ago, I feel so overflowing now." My life is happy, I feel complete and the best part is that we all are a well blended family.

If you were a fly on my wall today you would see my basket overflowing- both in  my heart and in my laundry room!

I better get up to that washing machine! Ciao!!

FITTING IN

I have a high anxiety level about this post. It's not easy for me to talk about this kind of stuff.

I am, by nature, a very outgoing person. You know the type- never met a stranger or someone I couldn't talk to. But it has been very difficult for me to fit in since I made the move here. I'm sure it's not because people in Canada are unfriendly. I have met very nice people here. I just can't seem to find my niche and it could well be just me.

Looking in the mirror I see a woman who was the eldest of four children, who was married at barely 20 years old, who had three children by the time she was 30, who became a military wife, who had a vibrant career, who lost a husband and became a single parent in the span of 2 years. I see a woman who met a man, fell in love, made life changing decisions to create a new family, become a mom of five incredible kids, and who moved away from her country, career, family and friends. I see a woman who embraces life, who is positive and happy and who is completely in love with family, friends and God. I see me. And.....I like me. I like where I am, who I am and where I'm going. I am strong, confident and grounded and those are all good qualities to bring into any friendship.

I thought that as soon as I put the girls in ballet here I would meet other mothers that were like me. I went to class after class and sat and watched the girls, but never could break through. All the mom's there had their group that had been seemingly formed since their children began dance at age 2 and my two girls were, at the time, 14 and 5. Unlike my previous experiences at the other dance schools in the States, it just didn't happen. So after two years of trying I retreated to the car with my Blackberry and waited quietly until classes were finished. Eventually the girls were no longer interested in dance and we moved onward.

Day after day I took Baby Girl to SK (Senior Kindergarten) and would see other mothers there I knew, but as I looked around I was by far the oldest mother there and I felt so out of the loop. I did make a handful of friends and we became close. We don't see each other daily anymore but we do occasionally get together for coffee and a chat and it's nice to have women to talk to.

Teen Boy decided about three years ago that he would like to play baseball. After enduring long baseball careers with both of the older boys and making good friends I was certain that THIS would finally be the place I would meet that one good friend. So I packed the folding chairs, the cooler of water and the sunscreen and off I went to meet my Momma Friend. NOPE. The first year we sat all alone and virtually spoke to no one. The second year we did make friends with another family but mostly it was the dad who came to the games and if the mom came, she usually sat elsewhere. So again no Momma Friend there.

By this time I am beginning to wonder if I am giving off some vibe that kept people away. Did I all of a sudden have a face that said OLD or UNFRIENDLY or SAD or what? Did I have an invisible cage around me with a sign that read dangerous animal momma- keep away? What on earth was happening?

So in a last ditch effort I decided to take the plunge into the CWC (Catholic Women's Connection) at church. It was Christmas and there was a potluck and the bulletin said "ALL women of the church are welcome to bring a dish to share and join us." I made a trifle and put on some make up to cover the gnarly marks circles under my eyes and headed off to once again seek out my forever friend. Upon walking into the hall I was greeted and quickly found a seat. I glanced around and it didn't take long to realize that I was the YOUNGEST one there by about 15 years easily! "This should be fun" I told myself. No forever friend in that crowd either. I give up.

Now  friendship circles isn't the only place I find it hard to fit in. It has been almost impossible to find my spot in Hunk's family as well.

I remember during our "courtship" (I hate that word by the way) I met his family and everyone was so warm and welcoming. In fact, that was a big part of my decision to move here. I have a WONDERFUL relationship with my late husband's family, and I found Hunk's family no different. WELL....UNTIL.....we got married.

I should preface all of this by saying that my mother in law (Hunk's Mom) and I have a wonderful, loving relationship now, but we have had a few bumps in the road along the way. Not long after we were married and were settled into our townhouse we hosted Christmas. We prepared the meal and had everyone over and it was FUN. Really fun. Then at Easter we did the same thing, only by then we were living in our new home. Things began to change. After Hunk's father passed away in 2009, the bottom fell out and it's not been the same. All I can say is the old adage "jealousy will rule the heart and the mind if given the chance to run"  We haven't seen Hunk's family (other than his mother whom we see regularly) in 18 months. In fact, they hide from us. There have been a few times when we have been in the same room and they position themselves so as not to have to say hello or even make eye contact. But onward we trot. I send Christmas cards and ask about them frequently.



Hunk's Family

                                  
I have friends. I have a best girlfriend who lives a thousand miles away. We talk frequently and even when months go by and we don't talk we pick up right where we left off. We have been friends for 45 years and there is nothing that could replace or shatter our friendship. I have friends in every single place I have ever lived. I have friends from my childhood that I am still in touch with and friends from my military (wife) life I could simply not live without. I am not lacking in friends. What I am missing is a freind here that I can call in the wake of a storm (yes we have storms in our house!) and talk to. That friend that I can go shopping with or to a chick flick with or on a shopping spree with. THAT is the friend I am missing HERE. The one I "fit in" with.



My bestie with her husband and youngest son



I miss the weekend outings with my late husband's sister. My heart always skips a beat when I hear that she is going to a museum or out to eat with mutual friends. I get that pang of angst when she goes on a trip or has a drink after work with a forever friend. And when the family gets together for a celebration I can almost feel the tears roll down my cheeks. I can't let that hold me back. I have to accept it and move forward.




Pam and me on my wedding day


I have accepted my place in life right now. Despite not having that close relationship, I am happy. I feel good about where I am, and I look forward to continuing the trek to find that Forever Momma Friend I seek to have. She's out there somewhere and soon life might just throw me the curve I need to find her!

Sending you all terrific Tuesday thoughts!

Saturday, Sunday, MONEY

Well, the weatherman/woman was right, it was BBQ weather here in Southern Ontario this weekend! If you had asked me a month ago when I thought I'd see my lawn again, I might have said June. But alas, I can see grass on every square inch now thanks to our mild weather over the past few weeks. Just so you'll know...we DID barbecue on Saturday and had plans to do so again on Sunday, but after a lovely family dinner out with Hunk's In-laws, we were just too full to consider grilling again! Steak tonight on the BBQ under an umbrella it is! Today the temperature is pleasant but it's pouring! I guess it's a case of taking the good with the bad!

A topic that came up early in our engagement was, naturally, money. Now I don't like to talk about money very much. It's a necessary requirement of life, but I'm not big on "money talks" although I knew it was a topic that had to be discussed. So every time Hunk would bring it up, I'd politely try and change the subject. Sometimes I succeeded.  I think we were finally at the stage of wedding planning where we had to face the talk and decide where the money was going to come from. I remember feeling uneasy and thinking to myself "what DO I expect here?"  I think we both decided to just plunge in and let it happen...the talk that is!


Early on in our relationship/marriage we took the position of "whats his is ours and whats hers is ours."  We felt strongly that in order to bond and have our family bond completely there could never be a line that the kids could cross in thinking that they could ask Mom or ask Dad for money. If they asked one of us it was the same as asking the other. We left no door open in terms of "inheritance" and who got what. We were forming a new family and like any family, we share what we are blessed to have. So there has subsequently been no one person after another's pocketbook! We make conscious decisions together and we manage together. It works well for us.

I can't say that our way of doing things is good for everyone. I just know that money is truly the root of all evil and it can be a deal breaker or a deal maker. We chose to make the deal! It is a serious issue that can't afford to be overlooked and must be dealt with early on in a relationship. We don't let the dollar control us, but we are not foolish either. We have joint accounts and full disclosure and for us, it works and works well.

My best advice is to be open and honest with your feelings. If you want yours to be yours, then you msut not be afraid to say so. I know many people who have that situation and it works well for them. There is no right or wrong.

I have personal views that are pretty strong about pre-nuptual agreements as well. I remember well EVERYONE asking me if I was signing or having Hunk sign a pre-nup. All I can say is this...to me...if I have to think that hard and feel that uneasy about my relationship's stability, then I would ask myself "WHY am I marrying this person in the FIRST place?" I am a true believer in that. I mean honestly, if you can't trust the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, then don't get yourself in that situation to begin with. Plain and simple.

So, with that said...I'm off to get Baby Girl and make my way to the grocery store to spend some MONEY! (ugh)

Happy Money Monday!

Canada Eh?

**I took the day off yesterday. Everyone deserves a day to regroup and honestly I had to get a few things done around the house and just didn't have the time to blog. This morning I am up and at em' and raring to go!

So many people have asked me why I moved to Canada versus Hunk moving to the States. I thought I'd take the time to discuss this as well as why WE decided to build our own home instead of living in one of our "old" houses. Two topics that frequently arise when families "blend".

The decision to move to Canada was not easy. Let me re-phrase that. The decision to move to Canada was easy, but required a lot of thinking on my part. I never had a doubt that Big Girl and I would do the moving (the two older boys were either in university or working in the States). Having been a Military Family for so long, we never set out permanent roots or got extremely attached to one place. Hunk and the two younger kids, however, had never moved or had been away from family and I felt at the time it was better, at their ages, tho leave their support system in place.

My first, very own home in NJ.

My decisions, though initially easy, became somewhat of a personal issue. Big Girl had just lost her father, was just beginning her first year of high school and was heavily involved in dance. She was surrounded by so many good close friends that were her support throughout  her daddy's illness and death. THAT made it tough.  I for the first time ever had thoughts of, "wow I own my own home, my own car, have a career and love where I am in life." I had begun to re-decorate the interior of my old Victorian home and had bought my dream car, a red Volvo XC90. A move to Canada would mean giving it all up and going to a country I had only recently visited and fallen in love with. So many reasons to move, yet so many reasons to stay.

I balanced this all out with the wisdom that Hunk's very nice job was in Canada. His parents were in Canada. His dad was battling Cancer and his mother needed the support that Hunk and the kids offered her emotionally. They were very close and very attached. In my heart I knew the right decision was for us to "blend" here. So we did.

Looking in the rear view mirror I know I made the best decision for us. Though in the soggy market it took forever to sell my home in NJ, it finally did sell. I left my wonderful friends and teaching job on the promise from Hunk that I would not have to work in Canada. I haven't. (well not outside of our home anyway!) Hunk drove a van down from Canada and we packed all the things we would need immediately and headed to the Great White North. On a funny side note: as we crossed the border into Canada, the Canadian Customs officer asked why I was coming to Canada to which I answered "I'm moving here!" His reply.."Um Ma'am, you can't just move to Canada." After being directed to head indoors for an interview, and almost 3 hours later, we discovered that they were much more interested in Big Girl having a school permit (to the tune of 120.00) than in us immigrating. Although we had already filed our Immigration packet and were already married.

This is not our actual home, but the model home of our home.

So where did we live? The weekend we were engaged (June 2007) we decided the next step would be to find a place to live. We both knew we did not want to live in Toronto. And Hunk knew he didn't want to live in Scarborough. He and the young kids had been living either with his in-laws or with his parents until now. We thought East was less congested and less expensive than West so we set out that weekend to find the perfect place to set our roots. After looking at one community after another and too many model homes to mention, we narrowed our list and finally settled on Oshawa. The community we chose fed into the best schools both public and catholic and had a safe environment for our kids to spread out and enjoy their growing years. Two weeks later we signed the papers and gave deposits to begin building our dream home here. During our construction we were lucky blessed to find a townhouse within our school district that we called home for 6 months. Oh, how we loved that little house! We still ride by and admire it and remember the great times we had there!

Because furniture would not fit into a van, and we would need a place to lay our heads and plop our bodies, we took the plunge and bought new furniture to fill our townhouse. Since Hunk had never had any furniture and our new home was larger than any home I had ever lived in, we bought the items we knew we would need anyway. When our house was ready in March of 2008, we returned to NJ, hired a mover and emptied the house and moved it all to our new home in Canada.

Months crept by and I learned to live with the "old" stuff while secretly in my heart lusting after new furniture. I finally convinced myself and Hunk, that the antique, Victorian styled furniture was not conducive to our open floor plan new home. What I was really thinking was I want our stuff  not my old stuff. I wanted to create our family's new home with our new memories and not be surrounded by the furniture that had memories of yesterday. Another side note: I LOVE antiques. I LOVE heritage and old things from family members, but I needed to continue with my fresh-new-life approach. Having said that I did keep a variety of smaller furniture and other nick-knacks for "posterity."

Today, our house is OUR house. We have lived here slightly over three years. We have painted walls, decorated rooms, added a pool and fancy landscaping, and are in the early stages of planning to finish our basement and re-landscape our front yard. To look inside you would certainly find some of our past, some of future and a LOT of our present! This BLENDED family is busy and that is evidenced throughout our home and our lives!



The Family Room before we painted and added crown moulding.

Have an awesome weekend! The weather man/woman promises us "BBQ" weather this weekend. Not sure what that means, but I'll let you know on Monday!